Finally

Here I am.

 In my new cardi

 What a year it has been so far and what a lot to digest. Where have I been....well, a couple of months ago I suffered a miscarriage and I have been struggling to blog, but to be honest I lost my mojo much earlier. Let me start at the beginning.....

In early February I found out I was pregnant.
Wow. 41, three kids aged between 17 and 7 and pregnant again.
41, three kids and just started her dream job (and the horrible studies to go with it), and pregnant.

 Another new cardi - Tappan Zee

Honestly, initially I was devastated. I mean we have never managed to get into a strong financial position, we are still renting a house, still paying off a car, still pouring all our income into daily living. But working took the burden off a little and it was a relief. And yet it would stop because of a new baby.

After a big long talk with David, and telling the kids, my fears were allayed some. I mean having another baby was not the worst thing that could happen to us.
Still it took some time to digest. And I was tired.....boy was I tired.....and scared. Scared to give birth again - not that any of my births were bad - scared to be a mother again - scared about .... well everything. But the kids were so excited, and our families and friends were so excited and slowly but surely I got excited too - once I put down the birthing books.

 

 Mother's day chrysanthenums

I had just got to the point where I was even feeling happy about it when all of a sudden I was filled with doubts. What if something went wrong. Why do I feel so detatched and negative about this pregnancy. Once I hit the 12 week mark, I intended to blog about it, but I always made excuses not to. I started questioning whether it was because I was older, and more scared, or whether it was mother's instinct - my body telling me all was not well. I discussed these feelings with a close friend, and then my mother and whilst my head felt reassured, my heart didn't quite get there.

24 hours later I started bleeding and 18 hours after that I had lost my baby.

Summer rain - so much fun!

Miscarriage is such a sad thing to go through. My baby had never really developed properly - it was never meant to be. But I still had all those feelings of guilt ... "was it because I was so negative", "did I do something wrong". Truth is that things had gone wrong before I even knew I was pregnant, so the short answer is 'no' I didn't do anything to make this happen. But at 14 weeks, I felt very, very sad.

Since that time I have come to realise that I have a wonderful life, three beautiful children, a gorgeous husband and a great job. To quote a favourite blogger... I am a 'familionaire'. rich with family and love.
Life has returned to normal, and in all honesty, I had all that I needed before I got pregnant, I didn't need another baby to make my life complete. It would have been nice, but not necessary.

Lady Kina - a wonderfully easy knit on ravelry

I have spent the last six weeks or so catching up on all that fell by the wayside over the previous 3 1/2 months and finally here I am. And I seem to have put all my energy into (catching up with study, and) KNITTING!! By my standards I have been prolific - four scarves/shawls and almost two cardigans. So there is an upside to everything.

Hopefully I will post more often, but to be honest, with work and study and kids and knitting, blogging may not happen as often. But I still read all your blogs, and I still think of you lots :) and I wanted to share this journey with you because I you are my friends.

L
x

Holiday Craft

Come holiday time, it can sometimes be difficult to find things to do with the kids but today the boys are being very industrious.

Louis is using fabric scraps to cover a box that he painted a few years ago. The box is still good, but as he likes to point out "the painting isn't that good, cause I did it when I was a kid".....I'm not sure where he sees himself in the scheme of things, but in my eyes he's definitely not an adult. Although he regularly disagrees - as far as he's concerned he can do whatever he wants to......hmmm

Anyway, back to the post - he's using the scraps from the Japanese quilt I made him. He's taking his time and being quite meticulous. Once it's covered we are going to lacquer it.

Julian has slowly been collecting Scheich knights and last week he bought this dragon. As we all know, every dragon should have a cave so he started making one and is now sitting down to paint it :)

Which means I have time to get on the computer and blog about it and then hopefully I will also have enough time to pin my table runner together so I can start quilting today - yipee! That will mean another project finished.....one of many ufo's I seem to have stashed everywhere.....that's the trouble with spring cleaning - it unearths a multitude of sins ;-)

Cheers

l

x

Sometimes you are never too old

We had to buy a new washing machine the other day. Isn't it typical - two days after Christmas ours broke down :(

A lovely man came to deliver and install it and as part of the service he took the old one away. He left all the rubbish though and it got me thinking how a few years ago the box would have been so much fun for the boys but I was pretty sure they wouldn't be interested in it now.....

Think again......
not only the six year old, but the nine year old have both had so much fun (and so many arguments) with this box. They asked if perhaps we could buy something else big to get another box.....
and where were their Christmas presents???? Safely tucked away in their room, not being played with!!

l

x

Happy New Year

For as long as I can remember my mum and dad hosted New Year's Eve parties. There was always lots of people - adults and kids - and the night was spent playing board games and chatting and generally having fun. I remember as a kid having so much fun running around in the dark and staying up really late!!
Lately though, there have been less family as they are growing up and doing their own things, and the friends that used to come have moved on or away......And mum and dad are no longer up to hosting the parties.....so I've taken it upon myself to revive the days of old and keep the tradition going.

Here's Louis with the big stack of board games (just a few that we own). We tidied up the garden, lit the lanterns and got ready for a little gathering. We were lucky that a cool change blew through, dropping temperatures from the high 30's to the 20's.

This is the little nook where my dad settled himself until the sun went down. I love this spot in the garden - it's gorgeous on those really hot mornings when you take your breakfast outside and sit in the shade of those vines........

Here we are at night, enjoying a few games......there still weren't many of us but at the end of the evening we decided it was so much fun we will make sure to invite more next year.

Part of the tradition of New Year's is to eat Oliebollen - a dutch treat reserved for this occasion. I remember when I was growing up that my dad would spend the whole day making them - usually in 40C heat! He would sit under the grapevines with a deep fryer and I would love to watch him do it. These days he doesn't make as many but we still love them so he makes us a few :)

Happy New Year my friends - I hope that 2011 brings much joy and happiness your way

l

x